Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
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