I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
