So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
