If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
