i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
