God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
