Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
