I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
