I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He kissed a someone with a penis
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
