Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
