You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
