Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
