No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
