I think I died a long time ago.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
