I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
