Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
