Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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