the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
