My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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