either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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