dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
