I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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