I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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