Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
