After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
