Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
