Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
