Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
