Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
well you can't waste a boner
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
