all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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