I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
