We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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