My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
