I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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