put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
