Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
