You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
