Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
