See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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