maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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