I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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