drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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