neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
