Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
