Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
