I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
