There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
