Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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