Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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