You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
