I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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