my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
