dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
