Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
