After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
