Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
